Are YOU “Programmed” for Failure?

Have you ever wondered why some people just have it all? They’re well liked by everyone they meet, financially set and attractive but what stands out most about them is their beaming sense of self-confidence when they walk into a room.

Its almost as if they have a certain presence that gives off positive vibes.

Not everyone is this fortunate, however. There are people who wake up on the wrong side of the bed EVERY DAY. They are faced with low self worth, struggle to maintain positive relationships and often feel resentful towards people who are better off than they are.

So what’s the difference?

How can one person be so incredibly successful while another person constantly struggles just to get by?

The answer is that it’s all in your “programming”. So who were the programmers? Your parents of course!

It’s true. Your parents unknowingly “programmed”you to fail or to succeed. The reason I say “unknowingly” is because your parents raised you the best they could based on how their parents raised THEM.

For example, let’s say you grew up with an abusive father. Your parents never encouraged you or took an interest in anything you did…ever.

Your father had a negative outlook on life because of HIS traumatic childhood so all he knew how to do was raise YOU the same way that his father raised HIM.

As a result, you grew up with a negative outlook on life (just like your dad), and you have low self esteem because nobody took the time to encourage you and take an interest in you as a child.

Is that your fault? NO! Of course not! You did not ask to be “dropped” into your parents’ household. That is the “hand” you were dealt and now, as an adult, you have to suffer the consequences.

Another example:

Imagine you were raised in a household where both of your parents were always there for you. They took an interest and encouraged you in everything you pursued. They were your role model as a child. You grew up seeing your father work hard every day and treat your mother with respect.

As a result, you grew up to be a success because you duplicated your parents’ values as your own. THEY programmed your neuron network (your brain cells) to literally recreate their behaviors for success or failure.

(Read all about it in the book Now Discover Your Strengths)

These two examples show how troubled parents or productive parents create troubled or productive children. But there is one exception to this phenomenon:

The last example:

You grew up in a bad neighborhood with an alcoholic father. Everywhere you looked, you saw poverty, crime and hopelessness. As a child, you couldn’t wait to move out of the house. You saw your parents’ lifestyle and were DETERMINED to be not only successful, but NOTHING LIKE YOUR PARENTS.

While you were growing up, you took the necessary steps to put yourself through school and as an adult, you have a positive self image and make sure you remain financially stable. This life is possible because you always do the opposite of the way you were raised.

This is what I call “buckers”. They buck their parents’ lifestyle in the same way a rodeo horse bucks its rider. Actively pushing away the negative values you were given produces a successful life in the case of most “buckers”.

So to answer the question, “Are you programmed for failure?” Look to your parents and the way you were raised.

Now I’m not telling you to place BLAME on your parents. Your parents raised you based on everything they knew at the time. It’s ALL they knew. It’s not their fault it’s NOBODY’S FAULT.

The key is to understand and accept the fact that the negative values you absorbed from your parents (i.e, fear of failure, low self worth, jealousy) are programs literally wired into your brain.

If you have enough discontent with these, it is very possible to change that programming now in your adult life.

Knowing this is not enough.

You must find these programs and learn how to decommission them. In other words, you need to know what to do and how to do it, especially if these programs seem to dictate your behavior.

Do you do things over and over that other people might call self sabotage?

Are you attracted to a certain type of person you know you shouldn’t be around, yet you can’t help but feel attracted to?

The source of this behavior is one or two negative programs from your childhood. These programs will prevent you (or your loved ones) from a better life.

If your parents programmed you for failure it’s NOT your fault but it IS your responsibility to do something about it.

If you’re interested in learning how to overcome your destructive values or habits, download my FREE report that explains exactly how to decommission these undesirable programs.

21 thoughts on “Are YOU “Programmed” for Failure?”

  1. U always say in your email that in case we want we shud mail you. Well, i have done exactly that. Please do respond.. I am sure it will be of great help to you.

  2. Thank you “anonymous”, I appreciate your feedback and am glad you’re enjoying the articles!

    “anonymous #2”-

    Thank you for the email, I sincerely appreciate all the feedback I can get.


    Larry Bilotta

  3. Thru your articles I am able to understand more why I do the things that I have been doing my whole life. Knowing these programmed facts I can understand why I struggle so much getting the success that I wanted for my self and my life. I have been “bucking” the unsuccessful way of life my parents showed me. I have been very successful in realizing my dreams and achieved the job and the employer that I always have wanted. I didnt want to settle for anything less, like my parents did. I know I am not programmed for failure, like my parents were. Now I can face the struggles and view them as bridges that is connected to the results that I want. Thank you Larry..

    Mary Ann

  4. Mary Ann,
    I’m so glad to hear that your awareness of parents programs and how they work on your in your adult life has made a good impact on you. You sound like you are a very good and hard working “bucker” who bucks against the programming you were given. Some of the most successful people I’ve met are buckers who say the phrase “My parents showed me how not to do pretty much everything.”. That is what buckers sound like and the world has many of them. You can add yourself to their numbers.

  5. I have read your article sevral time. All of them are playing a great role in my life so carry on and always provide me these usefull thing

  6. I read your articles with great interest and try to see how they apply to my personal life. The problem I have with various self-help programs is apllying them to make significant changes in my life. I have the understanding and the awareness of how to make the changes, but it seems to stop there. Maybe I haven’t reached ‘pain threshold’. By-the-way, I went thru. the 7-step mini course but I had problem with the final step.

    Thanks, dr

  7. With regards to success and failure, I believe that it’s the Creator that grants each and every one of us ‘success’ or ‘failure’ in order to test us to see who is most true in faith regardless of the environment in which we grew up in. He tests us by what he gives us and by what He takes from us (or doesn’t give us). I appreciate your response.


  8. Hello dr,

    Thanks for your comment about the Creator granting every person success or failure to test and see who is most true in faith regardless of how they grew up.

    I realize from your email that you see events in your life as being a series of tests of faith arranged by God, your Creator. Because you believe this is true, and you obviously have such conviction in this that you have even written to me to state your belief. That’s pretty strong belief.

    If you believe this strongly, then your own life has been marked by a series of tests. Some you have failed and I assume God forgave you, and some you passed and you proved yourself to be, as you said, “the most true in faith”.

    You’ve asked my response or my opinion and what I can say is that my opinion does not matter one bit.

    That’s because we all go through life looking for people to support our own belief system.

    People who believe in the loving God of the Bible, usually trust and spend time with other’s who believe in the living God of the Bible. People who believe in Mohammad want to trust and be around others who believe in Mohammed.

    If you believe that your Creator is granting you and everyone else a series of tests to find out who is the “most true in faith”, then you will be reaching out to others who believe this with you.

    In effect, you, like most of us, want to surround ourselves with other people who support our belief systems. Who am I to say you are wrong? I can’t!

    The most important thing (other than surrounding yourself with belief supporters) is that you live what you believe.

    If your God has set up a test to find out if you will forgive your cheating wife, will God allow your wife to cheat on you and be immoral in order to create this test of your faith?

    hould God have stopped your wife from the cheating opportunity because it was a bad thing? Should God have taken the cheating desire out of her heart?

    If God did those things, then he would have denied you your test of faith. If a premise like I am proposing is true, then God allows all kinds of bad things to happen to people so they will be tested and learn from these tests.

    Of course you know that many people are not learning from their tests. They insist on blaming, divorcing, taking family members to court, not forgiving, becoming more self centered and self absorbed.

    I have found that people raised by self centered people, become self centered people unless they buck this value system.

    The people who buck negative value systems from their parents do not know why they bucked to begin with. I think your message inferred that God will test you regardless of how you were raised. On that you will get no argument from me.

    Thanks for writing.

    Larry Bilotta

  9. Larry,

    What about the “buckers” who had good parents, but maybe were abandoned being 4th , 5th , or 6th child?? Some people refer to it as rebellion, but these patterns have been a challenge for me!!
    I do think we get back some of what we give out. I think god maybe teaches us mini lessons, but overall wants us to be happy and follow his will. Isn’t that why we have freewill, to choose the next 10 seconds of happiness or negativity??

    Thanks!! I always enjoy these!!!

  10. Thanks for your comment William. Yes, there ARE buckers who had good parents. Look at the wealthy couple who raised four boys on the same value system. Three are successful but one joins a commune and lives in poverty. Why? He’s a bucker. Over the years, I’ve questioned these buckers. What I discovered is that each son or daughter needs to be treated as unique. They NEED their father to treat them as they are, not treat them like father is or their siblings are, but to focus on them, understand their nature and support that. When a parent doesn’t do this, that person (usually a very sensitive child) will rebel and launch out against the father who did not understand them.
    That can happen to what we call “The Black Sheep” of the family. Very possible with six to ten children in a family, right William?

  11. Oh yeah!! I was definately the most sensitive of all the kids!! I was always the artist and musician, and of course those were always great hobbies , but never supported,because you could never make a decent living with them!!
    So, I believe, that that led to my being a “bucker” or black sheep of the family!!

  12. I have a question. If you could give me insight I would be grateful. What about the parents who were so “perfect” with such high morals and standards and the child who wants to live a bit more freely. In other words, the parents belief system is different from the adult childs desired belief system. How does one get past feeling the guilt and shame everytime he trys to establish his own value system…….? I would like to “deprogram” such goodness!

  13. Larry, before I say one word here, I want to offer my great and deep “Thank you!” to your sweet wife, for making your life a living testimony to the power of disciplined Love!

    We all owe to her a very, very big debt of gratitude.

    Then, I want to thank you for your courage to stand up and DO this awesome task of sharing what Creator, through your dear wife, has taught you! Brother, I mean it with all my heart that you have helped me make it to another level of commitment in my own marriage. Had I not read your inspiring advice for hurting mates, i may well have ended a frustrating relationship I entered 16 years ago, leaving a darling woman feeling even worse rejection than she’s had from her family for many long years.

    OK, this blog; your answer, to “dr,” is truly inspired! I was raised by a dear mother whose own raising created in her a sense of distrust for every other human’s spiritual concepts and practices. That inability to love others with dissimilar spiritual beliefs made living for my mother extremely difficult, and the warped social mentality I learned has created a life-long struggle with even accepting and loving my two wives. My critical attitude was not backed by a pristine mind, and the guilt and shame I’ve so often succumbed to and wished to Hell I could just die to escape from, is a constant, over-powering burden to my intellect, and my soul.

    “dr” has a strong belief that Creator tests us, and we either pass or fail. Well, to “dr” I would ask, then, because we also know from Creator’s Own Living word, He knows our life from one end to the other, and that includes everything we say, think, and do. It is in this understanding that I personally find comfort, for Creator, knowing my every thought, also provides for me His Plan of Redemption from my wayward leanings, and, He came to my Earth to show me how to love, His Way.

    Larry, your kind, gentle guidance has opened my eyes to understand that perseverance during painful marital situations is Creator’s Way of Love, and I only need to ask His hand to strengthen my heart and resolve to continue loving my sweetheart. Creator gave to us great sacrifice, in true Love; how many ways have we spurned to return that Love by caring His Way for others, especially our life-mate?

  14. Mr. Bilotta,
    Thank you for the wonderful information and insights you share.
    I related more to the succesful programing by parents and my life in most regards mirrors that, with the exception of close relationships. Recently I learned that I was not taught a proper boundary system and I keep failing at maintaining good relationships.
    What they( my parents) gave, has carried me succesfully in life, except for that one area, and that is where even if I have continued to apply myself mightily with self help, practicing my faith and other methods, I have yet to find lasting success. I wish to keep learning in hope that one day with God’s help, I will be able to find the un-programming and re-programming, that I so desire and need.

  15. Dear Mr Larry, i have read most of your articles at, and find that they are like mirrors telling me the truth i can’t see. they leave very profound impression in my brain, now i know where i failed and why i failed. and how i can make things work for second time. you have amazing abilities to tell your observations or points in real plain words, words that everyone can understand. (p/s: sorry to be off topic here but i can not find the reply section in that website)

  16. Thank you for your feedback liveyea and for your kind words. I’m glad you’ve found my materials to be helpful to you.

    – Larry

  17. Thank You for your message; you’re on target, I’m sorry to say, but going back and thinking about and evaluate my life then and now, I’ll say it again I never heard anybody mention this fact/points; you are correct and on target.
    Thank you for opening my eyes I feel I receive tremendous help from you, Thank You


  18. Hi Larry ! This is wonderful ,being able to share my concerns and to receive your wise comments. I would like to know how can I get rid of the feeling that I am not good because I want too much ? My mother and grandmother always told me that I was wrong in wanting things and attention and to be treated like who I was not what my parents and family thought I had to be and do. How can I get rid of this feeling that perhaps I’m asking too much from life and the universe and that I don’t deserve having much,that all I need to do is work hard , be quiet and take very little space and attention ? Thank you Larry . Panthera

  19. Hi Larry

    Before i talk about how much your videos & emails have helped me, i wanted to say regarding the comment about some people believe in Muhammed, when talking about a creator, Muslims believe in a creator (One God), and muhammad is a messanger, they don’t worship Muhammed.
    Ok now I would like to say the information you have given me on saving my marriage, and also the knowledge on how the environment we grew up in effects our behaviour, you are spot on, I was seperated from my husband (he moved out) heading for a divorce after a 16 years of marriage, I decided to take on board all your info from videos, and after being consistent and breaking old negative habits, we are back together and for the first time my children, Husband and I are like a new family. We both came from broken families and I was determined to break the pattern as I know we are at a high risk of divorcing, I made changes only on my self and my husband changed. so you all can do it, just be consistent and after a while the new way of dealing with things comes naturally, I learnt a lot on how we control how we can feel negative or positive. Thank you so much Larry.

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